I just wanted to take a minute of your time and I think you'll find it funny that I did. Hopefully it accomplishes what I think it will and break up your day. Please read this through when you get a break or moment to yourselves. I'm sacrificing my pride to give you a laugh.
It was a good morning. Ayden and I shared time between us every morning before I took him to kindergarten (he's in 1st grade now) and this day started like any morning did. Being a man, I have my routines. Enough said (for now) about that. I got him to school 10-15 minutes early everyday so he could play with his friends on the playground and that occurred 98% of the time. On the 2% I didn't get this accomplished it had usually been because of traffic and/or wretched stop lights and stop signs and road construction.
Well, I was running a little behind that day and it makes me feel bad when I can't get him to school at the usual. He would be tardy if I got him there at 12:01. It requires that I have to bring him into the office so he could get a stamp (I haven't been explained why on that though) and I take him into his class. I'm giving you the routine so you can fully visualize what the process is.
So he's complaining like every morning that he wants to go to daycare because it's more fun but on Friday's I definitely wouldn't do it because he had to turn in his homework and failed to do so many times because he forgets. He was only 5, OH, sorry, 5 and a half as he insisted on. We all know that kids will say the damndest things and since he's been 2 and since I've known and love him, he has done so in publiC (as Ron White puts it, emphasize the C) many times. Anything from "your OLD!" to "that guy looks funny" when there's a handicap around. Amy and I have exhausted ourselves on him not saying those things.
So I'm not on my game that morning. It happens. I can usually and have most of the time been able to see it coming when he's about to say something so I have a talk before hand. This practice has never let me down and is tried and true. Also, please keep in mind that I don't ever get embarrassed. It just doesn't happen for me. You that know me well definitely know this.
We pull up to his school at 12:04 and I go straight to the office for the stamp. I have it in my head when I get there that I'm going to say what all people say that live in a big city....."My fault, I apologize.....Darn road construction!" and I do just that. As I finished the sentence, Ayden......in his sweet, innocent, and obviously honest self (GASP) goes and says, and I quote, "Daddy had a big dump". It got so quiet and my butt puckered so hard that I didn't think I'd be able to do the #2 for the next week. So I'm now looking down at him, quietly in my lying, loathsome, and caught red handed self. I think I heard the lady giving the stamp on his hand snicker but I'm not sure because my ears were ringing from the shock. Wow and many other words I won't say here flashed in my head. Although it seemed like an eternity not another word was spoken as I left the office .783 milliseconds later. After the small talk when we left, outside the door, he got to his class at 12:09 and I scurried home with my tail between my legs as a defeated man.